sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
