Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
