we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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