I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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