I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
You pole danced in your parka.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
