After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
