I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Randomize
