I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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