can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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