I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
