i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
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