those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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