she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Go christen that room with your naked body.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
