i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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