I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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