100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
