Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen