new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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