It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
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The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
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I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.