the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
27 Unforgettable Hookup Texts
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
19 Groupies Confess What It’s Really Like To Hook Up With Famous Rockstars
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family