I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
19 Of The Most Epic “I Quit’ Stories Ever
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
25 People Reveal The Creepiest Kids They Went to School With
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left