No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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