I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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