What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Come share oat with me in your robe
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
