There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
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remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
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You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
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