I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
