It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
