I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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