Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
