Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
