I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Drake has all the answers
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
