Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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