I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
