I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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