is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
even my farts smell like vagina
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Someone stole a lamp last night.
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