I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
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Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
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I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.