I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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