I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
