How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
