my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
