i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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