Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
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