I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
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