You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Someone signed my nipple.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
