you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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