the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
What a dumb baby whore.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
We have started to decorate penises.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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