so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
