My room smells like vodka and shame
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
