It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
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So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
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i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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