he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
True strength comes from lack of pants
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