she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
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