she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
