Don't you send me to vm
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
