I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Randomize
