I can't breathe out the right side of my face
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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