it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
