I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
