When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
