suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
