thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
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