Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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