For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
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I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
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he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I have already put on my inside pants.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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