Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
